High functioning depression

I admitted to a good friend about a month ago that I've likely been living with depression for the last year and a half. It's been a tough go. Based on what I'm reading and not an actual diagnosis, I think this would be high functioning depression. I go to work, I can be cheerful and present in that place. I can even be cheerful and manage with my children because I don't want them to ever feel I'm not there for them. However.....

I've returned to eating to soothe emotion.

I've stopped every fitness thing I've ever done.

When I drink (rare) it's not to enjoy a delicious wine, but to relieve emotions. 

My numbing agents continue to be food and books and technology.

I mask.

I hide.

My negative self-talk was out of control.

I could see very little brightness in my future - only unremitting sameness without joy.

I've felt very alone.

It's starting to change for the better, but I don't think I could tell you why. Perhaps my hormones have shifted again. Perhaps the chemical imbalance in my body is better. I have not talked with my doctor about this, although that's coming next week because I don't want to continue like this anymore.

There's a glimmer of brightness again. I have much work to do, though, to return to what I would consider normal. I need to move again.  I need to find fun again. (Because honestly there has been no fun in my life for well over a year. I have not felt joy in anything I've done. I think I may have done a damn fine job fooling people that I was having a good time, but inside I've felt completely hollow and empty.)

Baby steps forward.